Good news and bad news

Got the results of the brain MRI today. There was good news and bad news. A note to Chelsie, Jenny, and Katy…Please don’t freak out when you read this. Everything is going to be ok. Chelsie…please don’t dwell on this and please don’t let it ruin your trip. I want you to enjoy and have the best time ever. I will be ok and I’ll still be here when you get back. I promise.

The good news is… the radiation has killed the 4 brain tumors that I had. The biggest one being 6mm is still dying by the radiation. The doctor said the results were better than he expected.

The bad news is… there are 6 new spots in my brain. Once again, they were caught really early–the biggest one is only 3mm. VERY TINY. They are going to do the targeted radiation again to kill those 6 tumors. And the doctor is expecting good results with the treatment. Bad thing is that I have to go in for mapping and the making of a new mask. :/ I dread having to wear the mask again.

This news was really hard for me to process. The doctor told me the good news first…then he dropped the bomb..after I heard that, everything thereafter was a blur. Eric was with me though for support. He always goes to the results appointments with me. Which I’m glad, cause I cried all the way home. I just wanted to SCREAM! I was so angry. I just couldn’t believe the news. I’ve been thinking so positive in hopes of bringing the positive to me….but it didn’t work. Eric says I should go in expecting to hear the worst so I’m not so let down when I get bad news, and good news will be really good news.

Whenever I get bad news I don’t want to talk to anyone. I revert into myself and I just want to be left alone to be able to process the news. That’s why my beautiful girls, I don’t call and tell each one of you right away…cause I need time to process. After you read this if you need to, or want to talk, that’s ok. I can talk now.

How am I feeling?? Well…I still can’t believe I have 6 new tumors in my brain. But I am starting to accept the fact that I do, and treatment is inevitable. I wish there was a chemo that crossed the blood-brain barrier so that chemo would not only kill new tumors, but prevent them as well. But unfortunately there’s not. So I just have to keep on doing radiation as they come. I’m also sad. I feel like this cancer is slowly sucking the life out of me. I’m constantly fatigued from the chemo and radiation along with the chemo only makes it worse. So mostly my life now consists of sleep. I’m glad I’m on anti-depressants and I talk to a therapist weekly, plus I have my faith and belief in God, all of which help get me through this Hell. And most of all…the love and support of family….my reason to keep on fighting.

I wish I had more positive things to say here..but there is nothing really positive about cancer and it’s journey.

Until next time…

Catching Up

Hello! I know it’s been over a month since I’ve written, and people are asking why I haven’t been blogging…there is no particular reason other than I just haven’t felt much like writing. A lot has happened during the last month though…I’ve had chemo flu over the last two cycles, (I’m having it now), I got sick for a week with a really bad cold, which flared up my asthma really bad, then I fell down the front steps taking my puppy out, twisted both ankles and caught myself with my hands, which in turn hurt both of my wrists. But everything got better within a few days except for my right ankle. Went to the ER and turns out I sprained it pretty bad, tore some tendons, but luckily didn’t break anything. So I have been on crutches over the last month. My ankle is slowly starting to get better, but I still can’t put full pressure on my foot especially the heel area. So I have been pretty much home bound with my ankle elevated for the last month. I couldn’t drive anywhere because it was my right ankle. I just started driving this past Monday, I had a doctor appointment in Austin.

Also I did go back to the eye doctor and got re-examined, got a new set of glasses, they worked for awhile, and once again, they stopped working for me. I called my brain radiation doctor and asked if my vision changes could be from the radiation or the tumors, cause these vision changes didn’t start until after the radiation, so he said he can tell me more after the MRI, which I did yesterday, and I see the doctor for the results tomorrow. I sure hope everything is OK with my brain. But this vision fluctuation needs to stop, cause I can’t keep going to eye doctor and getting new glasses. I sure hope we can figure out what is causing this.

My eldest daughter Chelsie is on her way to India right now to attend a yoga retreat for a month. I’m nervous and excited for her all at the same time since she is traveling solo. But that girl LOVES to travel and has no fear. I can’t wait to hear all the stories when she gets back. We had a family dinner this past weekend so everyone could see her before she left, and we will have another one when she gets back. She may not be able to text or call us once she is there, but she may be able to email. We will see. The place she is going to is in northern India at the bottom of the Himalayas. Should be a beautiful place.

Well that’s all for now…I’ll get on here real quick tomorrow to give the results of the brain MRI. 🙂

Feeling good!

I don’t have any new news to share tonight but I just feel like writing. I have had such a bright wonderful day today despite the rainy dreary day it has been all day. My spirits are high right now. I still have my brain scan to do at the end of Feb, but I’m feeling pretty confident that will be clear too. But for now, there is no radiation scheduled for the next 3 months. Yayyyyy!!!! I have had so much radiation I’m surprised I don’t glow in the dark! I’m not taking my good news for granted by any means because I know things can change at the next scan, but for now…I’m going to dwell in this moment. 🙂 I still have chemo every three weeks, but I’m used to that now. My next set of body scans will be in another 3 months. That would be awesome if those are clear too! I know that I will never go into remission, but I can go into what is called NED which means No Evidence of Disease. That means that none of the tumors are showing active. I know that can happen to women with MBC cause I’ve heard of some women with MBC that have gotten to that point. Unfortunately even at that stage, chemo still continues every 3 weeks. Why? Because doctors are afraid if they stop the chemo the cancer will start up again. So no matter what, I will be doing chemo every 3 weeks for the rest of my life. And radiation as needed.

I had my eyes checked in Oct before the brain radiation and the glasses that I got do not work anymore already. So my Oncologist sent a note to my eye doctor and after talking to him too yesterday he decided he is going to redo my exam at no cost. I believe the brain radiation, not to mention all the chemo, has had an adverse effect on my vision. I am using my reading glasses to see far, and now the reading glasses are not strong enough to see close. :/ I must need some really stronger lenses now. I really cannot see at night anymore, so I have not been able to drive. I’m usually the night driver because my husband falls asleep driving after 8 PM especially if he has a full stomach. So until I get my eyes fixed we cannot go out late at night.

I didn’t try that new eating pill today. Just in case I do feel any side effects I want to take it when I’ll be home and not have to go anywhere or do anything important. Tomorrow my new puppy goes for shots and to get chipped, then Friday I go get my eyes checked. Both of those appts are in the morning so I may be able to take it in the afternoon. My doctor wants me to take it twice a day, in the morning and in the early afternoon. So we will see how it really works!

I have a room in front of the house that has a lot of clutter that I am going to clean out and make it a craft room where I can do my puzzles and any other kind of crafts I start getting into. I’m also going to start going to movies during the day. Movies that my husband doesn’t really care to see. We have a theater less than 10 minutes away and they have matinees all day during the day. I’m trying to think of things to keep me busy during the day so I’m not so bored. Too bad it’s not summertime, I could go to the YMCA swimming pool that is up the street at the Bastrop Park. I love to swim.

I’m hoping for a better year this year and so far it has started out as one. I know I am somewhat sickly during the 3 week cycle between chemos, but at least without radiation I am not as bad. And THAT is what I’m looking forward to over the next 3 months at least. 🙂 Baby steps to healing.

I’ve been trying to think if there is anything that I have done different during these last 3 months to get such good scan results… I am on leave from work which has cut away the stress, I’ve been really sick and not eating which makes me do unintentional intermittent fasts which makes your cells eat up all the bad cells, and I have eaten more fruit roll ups, gummies, and rice krispy bars laced with THC. We all know THC works to kill cancer! And of course pray and keep the faith for healing. So I guess I will try to keep all these things going over the next 3 months and see what happens at the next scan. 🙂

Thanks for reading! Goodnight! 🙂

Good News!

I’m happy to blog tonight that my scan results came back showing no new spots, some shrinkage of the spots that I have and the spots in my bones are showing less active. There is no increase in growth on the spot in my liver…so no radiation yet. I AM SOOOOO HAPPY!!!! What a GREAT way to start off the New Year!!!! Plus there is a new drug that just got approved by the FDA for the kind of cancer that I have called,,,Enhertu. I was told that this will be the next drug that I get on after this treatment stops working instead of the 2 chemo pills that was the next line of defense. Of course it comes with it’s own set of side effects, but it has shown to be 60% effective in stopping progressions and shrinking tumors. I don’t just start it now because it is a stronger chemo, and with stronger chemos come more serious side effects. Hair loss being one of them. I was hoping I wouldn’t lose my hair again, (I don’t want to go out of this world bald) but it looks like I will end up going out of this world the way that I came in, BALD. Oh well…I’ll gladly take the exchange for living longer! But for now I am really glad that this chemo that I’m on is still working. So I am excited about all this news. I did talk about some of the symptoms that I have been having like vision changes, comprehension and processing of questions, memory loss and weight loss due to no appetite. The doctor said with all these new meds coming out and people with cancer are living longer than before, they can only throw pills at them. And he doesn’t like throwing more pills at me than I’m already taking, and neither do the other doctors, so they are telling patients if they can, to learn to cope with the symptoms. He says that is one of the downfalls to living longer with these chemo drugs….are the side effects. He did give me a new pill for my appetite called Marinol that is a synthetic of THC that supposedly only gives you the munchies without all the other side effects. So we will see how that works. I have lost over 20 pounds in the last 6 months and before that I had already lost another 20 plus pounds. I had needed to lose a little weight, and I would still like to lose a little more, but unfortunately I’m not losing weight the correct way so I am losing muscle mass as well which has made me really weak and thin looking. Sickly. I can’t help losing weight. I’m so sick all the time, have literally no appetite, and sometimes when I do eat, it comes right back up! So hopefully that Marinol works for me and drinking Ensure and homemade smoothies on a more regular basis will at least help maintain my weight. I’m also going to start taking my puppy for short walks for exercise and I’m still trying to start up yoga. I just need the energy to do this stuff.

I miss the structure of daily routines like when I used to work. But my sister suggested to set my alarm in the morning, get up have coffee and breakfast, and get into a regular routine of doing things. Exercise, reading, doing puzzles, drawing/coloring, organizing my rooms, drawers, etc…find things to do that I can put into a regular routine and set times for those, then move on to the next thing. Great idea! I have my alarm set for 10 AM everyday. If I wake up earlier than that, so be it.

Well that’s all my news for now. Goodnight! 🙂

Scan time

Hello! It’s scan time again! I get scans on Monday and the results on Tuesday. I’ve been having scanxiety cause every scan I got last year except one was a progression so I am hoping and praying that I have no progression and this chemo is still working. I am soooo hoping for a better year this year. I can always tell by the doctors face when he walks in the room whether it’s going to be good or bad news. I have heard of women who live with metastatic breast cancer for over 20 years, It’s rare, but I have heard of it. I am hoping we find a chemo that works and starts shrinking these tumors and keeping everything stable. I would love to be one of those women who can say I’ve outlived my prognosis.

I have been sick this week with a bad cold and asthma flare ups, then I got a bladder infection. :\ But I finally got antibiotics for the bladder infection and the cold and asthma are much better. I get chemo on Tuesday and I am going to talk to the doctor about a med for my appetite because I have no appetite anymore. Nothing tastes good cause my taste buds are shot from the chemo, plus the smell of food makes me nauseas. I bought some Ensure tonight to start drinking for calories and nutrition plus I drink green juices and smoothies, I just need to drink more of them. I do have some “fruit roll ups” that give me the munchies and help me eat, but it also gives me a ‘high’ feeling that I don’t like, so I tend not to eat it much. I finally finished radiation to my lung on Monday but the radiation keeps working for 6-8 weeks in your body…so the fatigue continues.

I’ve been down as of late because I’ve been so sick and I’m just tired of being sick and tired all the time. I miss the life I had before cancer. When I could dance and go for long walks without getting breathless. When I had normalcy in my daily life. My life now consists of doctor visits, chemo and radiation, scans, tests, constant fatigue, lot’s of medications, catching illnesses so easily, and just staying home cause I’m too weak and tire too easily to do much of anything. I went to the grocery store with my husband tonight and I cannot remember the last time I have been to the grocery store, it’s been so long. I have been trying to avoid going out in public cause of the flu season, but we do still go to the occasional movie or out to eat. I did get the really strong flu shot that they give to the elderly so I am hoping I am covered.

I saw my therapist today which was much needed. Talking things out with someone who is subjective takes a lot off my chest and makes me feel better. She makes me see things in a different perspective, a more positive one. I have been seeing her off and on for over 16 years. And she has gotten me through a lot of lifes struggles. I highly recommend talking to someone when your having troubles dealing with life. Therapy really does work.

Well that’s all for now, I’ll update after scans, good or bad. Fingers crossed for good news!

Good days and bad days

I had a lot of good days during the Christmas holidays. I didn’t have chemo until after Christmas and I started radiation after Christmas too. Now I’ve been having bad days with a lot of major fatigue and weakness from the radiation and chemo together. Thus leading to no appetite and no eating which makes the weakness even worse. When I say major fatigue I mean I can barely keep my eyes open. I sleep all day. Today, Wed, and Thursday I have to go into Austin, which is like an hour away, with fatigue. I had such a hard time today. I did not want to get out of bed. I could barely walk and my arms were so weak even the steering wheel felt heavy to drive with. Not even coffee helped. But I made it. I had to really focus though because my brain felt really heavy.

It’s days like today that get me down and get me to wondering just how much longer my body will be able to take this. I just want to cry cause I feel so bad. Every year on Dec 31st I thank the good Lord that I made it another year –without complications, and I got to be here to spend the holidays with my family. And every Jan 1st I always wonder if this will be my last year…the year that I die. Living with metastatic breast cancer is no fun. The treatment is harsh and slowly kills your body and it’s ability to function. My body has been surprisingly strong and has taken the treatment like a champ! So I hope and pray that it keeps going that way. I know that my mentality gets down when my body shuts down, and when I feel better I get more positive mentally. But I just can’t help but wonder just how much longer I can take this on those down days. On those down days I feel like throwing in the towel and giving up. The ONLY reason I’m fighting and not giving up is because of my family, friends, and loved ones. Cause fighting Cancer is hard and the treatments with their side effects are horrible, and expensive!!!

The radiation has not been as bad as I thought it was going to be, the contraptions they put on me are tolerable. The hardest part is laying there for 30 minutes trying not to breath. Your breathing has to be shallow and slow. I just try to fall asleep, which I did today.

And I’m falling asleep now as I write this so I am going to call it a night. Goodnight! 🙂

New Years Eve

Well it’s 2020 on the east coast and here in the central time zone we have 30 minutes left so we are still in 2019! I am finishing off 2019 with my last blog of the year. I started blogging this year and it has been very therapeutic. I finished today, 2019, with my last chemo of the year…it was supposed to be yesterday but they messed up my schedule so it was rescheduled for today. My husband was home so we ran errands and went to eat at Chuys, our favorite restaurant. Then we came home and opened up a bottle of Dom Perignon, which neither of us had ever had. It wasn’t as good as we expected it to be, but it is growing on me. Eric didn’t like it so the rest of the bottle is up to me! I can’t finish it all tonight, so I will finish it tomorrow! It’s too damn expensive to not finish the bottle. And now I can say I’ve had Dom Perignon! Also the Texas Longhorns ended the year on a good note and won the Alamo bowl against Utah! What a great end to 2019!!!

I want to say how blessed I feel to have been given another year of life with my loved ones. Fighting Cancer is no easy task and the treatment has a lot of side effects that mess up your body inside and out. But I’m proud as to how my body has been holding up. I believe it is all the prayers and love sent my way that is keeping me strong. 2019 brought a lot of cancer progressions in my body and the cancer spread to every place that breast cancer spreads too. But I have a great Oncology team who stays ahead of the game and kills it as soon as it spreads…thus giving me more time. And that is what it’s all about now, buying time. Since Metatastic breast cancer is incurable…which I pray for a cure everyday!

I pray that in 2020 I have no progressions and stay on this treatment that continues to work. And that a cure is found for this disease. I pray that I am still here and healthy as to be expected and strong come the end of 2020. And I get to see 2021. I pray wellness and health for all of my loved ones as well. My son gets married tomorrow. We are all excited about that. We are starting our year with adding another daughter to the family. And she is a wonderful girl and is good for our son. They make a good match. My husband is excited to marry them.

I start radiation again, my 5th round, to my lung on Thursday. Not looking forward to it, but I know that it is something that I just have to suck up and do. I just can’t wait until it’s over already.

Central time countdown to 2020 is about to start! Here we gooooo……10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1….Happy New Year!!! I MADE IT ANOTHER YEAR AND I AM SOOOOO THANKFUL AND GRATEFUL!

Hellooooo 2020!! Please be good to me and my family. I am praying for a fantastic year!

Love too all and many blessings in 2020!!

Getting ready for the New Year!

I hope everyone had a very merry Christmas! I had a wonderful Christmas and am looking forward to the New Year! 2020 will start off with our son getting married. He gets married on New Years Day! Then the next day I start radiation on my lung which will be 5 treatments over 2 weeks. It will also be body scan time and in Feb my brain will be scanned again. Hopefully this next year I will be blessed with no new progressions. So far I’ve been feeling pretty good. I’ve been too busy to feel bad. I don’t have time to be sick. During these last 2 cycles I haven’t gotten the chemo flu too bad. I’ve had days when my stomach hurt or I get really fatigued, but it hasn’t knocked me on my butt like it usually does. I’ve been lucky and God has answered my prayers for Nov and Dec since it has been over the holidays. My chemo was delayed by a week since it was Christmas and my next dose of chemo would have been on Christmas Eve. Instead they moved the date to Mon Dec 30th. So I am really hoping I am not sick for my sons wedding.

My new puppy is doing good and got a good clean bill of health from the Vet yesterday. He went for his 3rd set of shots. He didn’t even cry. He does have a mild case of ear mites so they gave him some ear drops. He also got his first bath tonight which he did pretty good. He was scared at first, but once he got used to the warm water on him then me scrubbing his little body, he liked that and just sat there. He is now fluffy soft and clean and smelling pretty. At the Vet yesterday I also picked up my Chips ashes. They had them in a nice little wooden box engraved with footprints and his name. Inside the box is a little plastic bag with his white ashes. It was bittersweet. I miss him and still think about him daily. But I’m getting better at calling Hopper Hopper and not Chip or Chopper. This little puppy has kept me really busy during the day and keeps me from being sad. I think I would still be crying daily if I didn’t have that little puppy. Cause being alone during the day can get lonely. And this little puppy is constantly by my side!

This holiday season has brought a lot of time being spent with family. I have really enjoyed that. For the last 3 years since I was diagnosed, Time, my family, friends, and just life itself have become really precious to me, more so than normal. When I was first diagnosed my prognosis was 5-8 years. Then when it went to my spine I was told maybe 5 years. Then when it went to my brain I was told maybe 2 years. So Time is dwindling but my spirit is strong and my will to live is strong and I know that people outlive their prognosis’ all the time, and I plan on being one of those people. It’s weird, but before the brain radiation I felt like my time was getting near the end, but then the weirdest thing happened…after I was done with brain radiation, I all of a sudden felt renewed and like I was going to live a lot longer. Death did not seem to linger in my near future anymore. My outlook became positive. I actually have been feeling great despite how my body feels…from the effects of chemo and radiation. I don’t dwell on how my body feels, I just keep going despite the pain and I try not to think about it or let it stop me from living and going on. If I did give into it, I would never get out of bed and constantly be on pain meds. But I don’t want to give into this disease and let it win, so I FIGHT! I do take the nausea medications on a regular basis throughout the day to keep me from vomiting and so that I can tolerate eating some food, but other than that, unless the pain is intolerable, I don’t take any pain med. I just deal with it. I think what really hurts the most are my feet from the neuropathy, it is a constant pain. It hurts to walk. I finally got a handicap parking placard for my car so I can park close to buildings and not have to walk so far which has been a blessing givin that not only do my feet hurt, but I’ve been weakened by the chemo and tire and get out of breath real easy. Sometimes my body feels like it is over a 100 years old. I’m going to try to start doing yoga this next year to hopefully help my body not feel so old by stretching and doing some strengthening exercises. On black Friday my husband bought me a smart TV for the front room so I can get on YouTube and do exercises that they have on there. Once all this hustle and bustle from the holidays is over and things calm down and get back to normal I can start to focus on my body more. I also have gotten used to using CBD oil and taking THC edibles. At first I didn’t like they way they made me feel. But now I’ve gotten used to them and they don’t make me feel so weird anymore and I can function just fine. The good thing is they give me the munchies so I eat! And the food actually TASTES good! They also help with pain, nausea, and sleep. I don’t eat them as much as I should, but I’m going to try to start eating them more since they help so much.

Another present that I am excited to open up is a Centipede Mini Arcade Game that I got for Christmas. It’s just like the real Centipede arcade game except it is a miniature one that sits on a table. That was always my favorite arcade game and I used to be really good at it. I’m sure that will keep me busy and entertained for hours during the day. I’m also going to try and write in this blog more, plus I’ve been writing my life story in this book that my oldest daughter gave me when I was first diagnosed. I tried to finish it by Christmas so that I could give it to her as a gift, but it is really long and I didn’t get to finish it in time. But I hope to finish it soon and give it to her. This Christmas I got hooked on watching those cheesy Christmas love stories on the Hallmark and Lifetime Channels. LOL They are FEEL GOOD kind of movies. I like those kind. Finding things to do that I have the energy for here around the house has been hard. I just started driving long distances again since the brain radiation so now I can start going places again. I just have to keep busy. I don’t have energy everyday, but on days that I do feel good, I have to stay busy.

Well that’s it for tonight! I hope everyone has a blessed and safe New Year!

Much love, Laura.

Still waiting…

Still waiting to start radiation on my lung. I guess with the holidays it is taking a little longer. I am hoping they do it before the end of the year since I have already met my deductible. In January it starts all over again and I have to pay out of pocket until I meet my deductible again. Usually I have to get on payment plans which I try to pay off by the end of each year. I just paid this years medical bills off. Yayyyyy!!! A cancer benefit was held for me last Sunday which my oldest daughter put together and threw for me with the help of my other two daughters and family. They raised over $2000.00 for me which I could not have been more grateful for. I have such a loving and caring family. 🙂

The next day, Monday, 1 week ago today, I had to put my little Maltese puppy to sleep forever. 😦 while we were gone on Sunday something happened to his back. He was fine when we left in the morning but when we got home in the evening he could only walk using his front legs and he was dragging his back legs. He was paralyzed from the middle of his back down and no longer had control of his bowels or bladder. I took him to the Vet the next morning and I had to put him down. Since we have no idea of how he injured himself, the Vet said it is common in Weenie dogs for their spines to fracture since they have such long bodies. My Chip had a long body for a Maltese and they think that his back just fractured. So weird. He wasn’t even 3 years old yet. His birthday would have been on January 8th.

Putting my Chippers down was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I still cry when I think about it. He was my baby boy, my little buddy. He was a Velcro dog and stuck to me like glue. Wherever I went he was right by me. My heart hurt so bad. I loved that little dog so much! That same night, my husband surprised me with another little puppy. He is a black and white Malti-Poo. I didn’t want another dog, especially not so soon. I was mourning my Chip. But my husband said that the puppy was not to replace Chip, but to fill the hole in my heart and give me something to nurture, and to love. Although my heart hurt, this new little puppy warmed my heart and made me smile. Not only smile, but laugh. He is a really funny little puppy and since he has Maltese in him, he is a lot like Chip. He too is a Velcro dog and sticks right by me just like my Chip used to. Since he has Poodle in him, he is really smart! His coat is really soft like Chips was. We named him Hopper cause he hops around like a bunny. LOL It’s really funny. I find myself accidentally calling him Chip at times or Chopper..cause Chip starts to come out, then I remember it is Hopper…so it comes out Chopper. LOL I’ll get it eventually. Just going to take some time. Even though I didn’t want him at first, I am glad my husband got him for me cause he keeps me really busy and I have a new little buddy that is always by my side. 🙂

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and me and my whole family are getting together at my brothers house for a Prime Rib dinner. I just LOVE Christmas and being around my family. I don’t want Christmas to be over so soon! I think I’m going to keep my tree up until the end of January. 🙂 I love it and all the pretty lights! We finished wrapping all the presents tonight. FINALLY! WHEW! That was a chore! We have family coming in tomorrow. Our son and his wife and son from Kentucky will be here over Christmas and leave on the 27th. This will be the first time seeing our new grandbaby, Clark. He is a little over a year old. So we will have 2 grandbabies here with us this Christmas! How exciting!

On Saturday night we took Eliana to get her first picture with Santa Claus. She did great! Didn’t even cry. She looked so cute in her little red dress with her sparkly red shoes. She is a little Princess! I can’t wait to get pictures of her and Clark together. Gonna be so fun with the grandbabies here. I just love babies, kids, the whole shabang! And the little ones just make the holidays that much sweeter! Speaking of sweet….my husband made his famous fruit cake and I can’t wait to dive into it! It has been soaking in wine since Thanksgiving and we get to eat it on Christmas! I’ve never liked fruit cake and don’t like most, BUT THIS ONE…this one is the bomb!

Well it’s getting pretty late and I’m getting pretty tired so I better get off of here and call it a night. Just wanted to give an update and let everyone know that I have been doing pretty good. Fighting fatigue, and insomnia at times. Still nauseous all the time and a very little appetite. But I have had some energy to be able to get things done. For the most part I’ve been able to keep this ol body going.

Well goodnight everyone and I hope everyone has a very merry Christmas and a Happy New Year if I am not on here before then.

Goodnight.

Been awhile.

Hello everyone! I’m still here! LOL I know it’s been awhile since my last post, I actually wrote a really long post in Nov. that got erased twice when I tried to post it due to no wifi. Then I just got frustrated and haven’t written since. A lot has happened since my last post. I finally had radiation to my brain and it was every bit as bad I thought it was going to be! Laying there with a tight mask over my whole face and head, and my head locked inside of a cage for 45 minutes being as still as possible was no picnic. Now I’m waiting to start lung radiation. I’ve already had the mapping where they make the molds of my whole body that holds me still, and take the CT scans to pinpoint the tumor, now they have to do their calculations and make the plan. I have to wear this barbaric black metal brace thing over my chest/lungs that has a large screw thing in the middle that screws down over my diaphragm as tight as I can stand it so that I barely breath. Again, I have to lay on the table with that thing on for 45 minutes, really still, for 5 treatments. I AM NOT looking forward to this at all! UGH…the shit I’ve had to endure from having cancer. This will be my fifth round of radiation. I remember when I finished the first round, the radiation team ‘graduated’ me by throwing confetti on me when I walked out of the radiation room for the last time and gave me a certificate that everyone signed. Not anymore!….now I walk in and I’m greeted by my name, everyone knows me there now.

I’ve been dealing with major fatigue this week and slept till 4 pm today. I got up, ate, showered, and went back to bed. I had chemo last week, so the chemo and radiation in my body together takes a toll on me and wears me out. But I was able to get my Christmas tree and decorations up a week before Thanksgiving thanks to the help of my youngest daughter Katy Bug. She has also been coming over to learn and write down her favorite recipes that she grew up eating to carry on with her children…that warms my heart. I had a great Thanksgiving with family. I actually ate OK even though my appetite wasn’t the greatest. I wish I had the appetite I used to have so I could have eaten all of that delicious food. But nothing tastes like it used to since chemo has killed my taste-buds. But I enjoyed being with family. Christmas is our next family get together. We get together and celebrate with the whole family on Christmas Eve, then our immediate family comes over to our house on Christmas day morning and we eat breakfast and open gifts from each other. Then everyone goes their own way and me and Eric will usually go to a movie. I just LOVE LOVE LOVE the holidays. Especially Christmas. We have yet to go walk the lighted trail down by the Colorado river. We like to take mugs filled with Amaretto spiced Hot Chocolate. YUM!

My oldest daughter Chelsie will be 31 on Christmas Eve. She was my Christmas present in 1988. BEST Christmas present EVER!!! I can’t believe its been 31 years. Seems like it was just yesterday that I was pregnant with her. Time flies.

Our son that lives in Virginia is coming home to get married here on Jan. 1st. They are getting married in a movie Drive In and Eric, my husband, is marrying them. Maybe I’ll be expecting our 11th grandchild from our new daughter around Aug of next year??…hmmmm….mayyybeee….