Feeling Green

I have been feeling the effects of chemo and radiation…major fatigue, major memory loss, diarrhea, stomach aches, and the worst…nausea and vomiting. I have 4 different medications for nausea and vomiting, plus CBD oil, and none of it is doing these symptoms justice. For those of you who think I’m so strong…if you could only see me now…how it really is. If it wasn’t for the slew of medications I take for the symptoms, I’d be in the hospital on IV’s. But cancer treatments and medications have come a long way so now you can suffer in quiet in the privacy of your own home.

I have two more rounds of brain radiation this week then I’ll start radiation to the liver. The main symptoms that liver radiation will cause is nausea/vomiting. GRRREATTT!!! This just keeps getting better and better!

I guess ya’ll are all wondering why I’m on here writing if I feel so darn bad. Well..cause it’s not ME who writes these. It’s GOD writing through me. I pray before I write every time. Sometimes the words and messages come right away, sometimes it takes a few days. This message has been stewing for a couple of days and here it finally is. God uses me to speak words to those that need to hear them. I never know who I’m writing for, I’m just being obedient to my King. And yes, part of my writing is for people to understand what cancer is like.

Tonight I watched one of my favorite movies with a great message…I Can Only Imagine by Mercy Me. I Can Only Imagine is also one of the greatest songs ever written. If you haven’t already, I recommend you listen to it and also watch the movie. The movie is about Forgiveness. One of the greatest powers that God gave his people. The Power to Forgive. He also gave us the choice to use that power or not. But in doing so, it brings freedom to our souls. Freedom from anger, hatred, bitterness, pain and hurt. It replaces those things with love and light from GOD. You feel so much lighter and at ease…like you can breath in fresh air.

A lot of people think they need an apology first, and then to be asked for forgiveness. Nope. Forgiveness is not complicated. Forgiveness is not for anyone but yourself and YOUR spirit and soul. Of course we must always ask The Father for forgiveness for the sins we’ve done here on earth. But to forgive others whom we feel have done us wrong is something you can do on your own, they don’t ever need to know it unless you want them too. You just simply decide that your not going to let that person have a strong hold over you that keeps you feeling hatred and hurt anymore…(do you think it bothers them? They most likely don’t even know how you feel. And I guarantee they go about their daily lives not thinking about what is eating you up day to day) So you just have to decide one day that your going to let all that go and your going to truly forgive them from the bottom of your heart and soul without them even knowing…just free yourself and let it go for real…finally and for good. with NO expectations in return. THAT is the Power that GOD gave you to be able to live healthier and happier on this earth. Live freely with no hurt and pain in your heart and soul. Learn your God given gift of the Power of Forgiveness. And USE it!

I think writing this took my mind off of the symptoms while the medications kicked in cause I’m feeling a little better. šŸ™‚

Going to try and get some sleep now. Goodnight all! Much Love!!

L.