A Quick Update

Hello..popped on here to give a quick update. Finished brain radiation last Thursday and have been sleeping pretty much ever since! Ughhh THE FATIGUE sucks! I go in tomorrow for the ‘dry run’ of the liver radiation…that’s where they do a practice run without the actual radiation. Then I start the real thing on Monday…5 sessions for about 45 minutes a session which will go over 2 weeks. This time they put this black weighted piece of plastic from my neck to my knees…then they suck all the air out of it and it shrinks around my body and torso till I can’t stand it, so that I don’t move and my breathing is minimal. Once again TORTURE!!!! And yes, I’ll be taking Lorazapam for anxiety, but that will also help with the nausea and vomiting they tell me that it will cause. I have a driver for tomorrow, but I guess I’ll have to line more drivers over the next 2 weeks. I forgot how sick they told me that I’m going to get and the nausea and anti anxiety meds make me really sleepy. The brain radiation caused a lot of severe fatigue and memory loss. I feel like my memory is slowly getting worse and worse. I go for chemo next Thursday too, this ol body just can’t catch a break!

I’m still planning on staying quarantined from the public even though here in Texas they are slowly going to start opening up certain businesses again. It will probably be awhile before I trust to go out anywhere. I hope everyone stays safe and doesn’t rush going back out in public either. Take vitamins and immune boosters!

Love ya’ll! Goodnight!

L.

Feeling Green

I have been feeling the effects of chemo and radiation…major fatigue, major memory loss, diarrhea, stomach aches, and the worst…nausea and vomiting. I have 4 different medications for nausea and vomiting, plus CBD oil, and none of it is doing these symptoms justice. For those of you who think I’m so strong…if you could only see me now…how it really is. If it wasn’t for the slew of medications I take for the symptoms, I’d be in the hospital on IV’s. But cancer treatments and medications have come a long way so now you can suffer in quiet in the privacy of your own home.

I have two more rounds of brain radiation this week then I’ll start radiation to the liver. The main symptoms that liver radiation will cause is nausea/vomiting. GRRREATTT!!! This just keeps getting better and better!

I guess ya’ll are all wondering why I’m on here writing if I feel so darn bad. Well..cause it’s not ME who writes these. It’s GOD writing through me. I pray before I write every time. Sometimes the words and messages come right away, sometimes it takes a few days. This message has been stewing for a couple of days and here it finally is. God uses me to speak words to those that need to hear them. I never know who I’m writing for, I’m just being obedient to my King. And yes, part of my writing is for people to understand what cancer is like.

Tonight I watched one of my favorite movies with a great message…I Can Only Imagine by Mercy Me. I Can Only Imagine is also one of the greatest songs ever written. If you haven’t already, I recommend you listen to it and also watch the movie. The movie is about Forgiveness. One of the greatest powers that God gave his people. The Power to Forgive. He also gave us the choice to use that power or not. But in doing so, it brings freedom to our souls. Freedom from anger, hatred, bitterness, pain and hurt. It replaces those things with love and light from GOD. You feel so much lighter and at ease…like you can breath in fresh air.

A lot of people think they need an apology first, and then to be asked for forgiveness. Nope. Forgiveness is not complicated. Forgiveness is not for anyone but yourself and YOUR spirit and soul. Of course we must always ask The Father for forgiveness for the sins we’ve done here on earth. But to forgive others whom we feel have done us wrong is something you can do on your own, they don’t ever need to know it unless you want them too. You just simply decide that your not going to let that person have a strong hold over you that keeps you feeling hatred and hurt anymore…(do you think it bothers them? They most likely don’t even know how you feel. And I guarantee they go about their daily lives not thinking about what is eating you up day to day) So you just have to decide one day that your going to let all that go and your going to truly forgive them from the bottom of your heart and soul without them even knowing…just free yourself and let it go for real…finally and for good. with NO expectations in return. THAT is the Power that GOD gave you to be able to live healthier and happier on this earth. Live freely with no hurt and pain in your heart and soul. Learn your God given gift of the Power of Forgiveness. And USE it!

I think writing this took my mind off of the symptoms while the medications kicked in cause I’m feeling a little better. 🙂

Going to try and get some sleep now. Goodnight all! Much Love!!

L.

It’s gonna be a longgg month of treatment.

My scan results came in this week. News was good and bad. Good news is the tumors on the bones are not showing any growth and there are no new spots on my bones. The ones in my lungs kind of equal out cause some have grown by a mm and some have shrunk by a mm and there are no new growths. There are 2 new spots in my liver so they are going to radiate those once they are done with the brain. I started brain radiation on Wed, they radiate one tumor at a time. Yesterday I had 2 done back to back so I had to lay on the table with that darn mask on for about 2 hours. SUCKED! The last 3 should be about an hour. UGH. I get the mapping with the CT’s and molds done for my liver on Monday after brain radiation. The CT on my lungs showed on Monday that the pneumonia has cleared up. Which I am very happy about!

My husband has started to slowly quarantine himself in the house. I guess someone that he works with, the babysitter of his kids has tested positive for the COVID-19. He has no direct contact with her and Eric has no direct contact with him. But still we are being careful. We are trying to decide as to how we are going to isolate each other from one another if one of us gets sick. I can’t very well go stay with anyone, cause none of us who goes out into public really knows if we have been exposed or not. I’m just going to have to pray really hard that I am protected from it, and if I do get it, that I will make it through it. Funny how I haven’t given much thought to the results of these scans, my main worry right now is the COVID-19!!

At least with the Cancer I feel like I have more time due to all the new treatments. But the COVID-19 is like a dark monster just waiting around the corner to jump out and devour me! I just hate how I’m hearing how it attacks your lungs. And I had chemo today, so my immune system is getting ready to go way down. Not to mention having the radiation at the same time. But all I can do, all any of us can do, is put it into Gods hands and pray for the best. I pray for all of my family and friends, especially those who are older or have compromised lungs or immune systems. And I pray that the young and strong fight this as best they can and get through it to carry on life. This Pandemic is horrific and beyond anything that any one of us could have imagined. But in an eerie way, as the world has seemed to come to a screeching halt, I’m seeing that a lot of the HATRED that we’ve had for one another for reasons unknown, other than we Hate each other for our differences. All that, for the most part, has come to a stop. And even though there are still some thieves and murderes out there, most people are coming together, showing kindness, and helping one another. Something that this world has been lacking. Maybe this is GODS way to slow us all down, to STOP, and smell the roses, to notice our neighbors. To realize how much we actually miss being around each other. Many of us are thankful to have social media just so that we can see each other and talk.

So forgive, if there is someone that you need to forgive. Call those that you haven’t spoken to for a awhile but have been wanting to call them. Tell those loved ones that you love them.

I know your probably thinking you won’t catch the COVID and it’s unfathomable that your loved one will to….BUT IT ONLY TAKES ONE LITTLE DROPLET FROM THE WRONG PERSON….AND YOU CAN BE DEAD IN DAYS. THIS IS NO JOKE. LOVE NOW, AND LOVE HARD. IT COULD BE YOUR VERY LAST CHANCE.

Prayers, Love and Kindess to all,

L.