Scan time

Hello! It’s scan time again! I get scans on Monday and the results on Tuesday. I’ve been having scanxiety cause every scan I got last year except one was a progression so I am hoping and praying that I have no progression and this chemo is still working. I am soooo hoping for a better year this year. I can always tell by the doctors face when he walks in the room whether it’s going to be good or bad news. I have heard of women who live with metastatic breast cancer for over 20 years, It’s rare, but I have heard of it. I am hoping we find a chemo that works and starts shrinking these tumors and keeping everything stable. I would love to be one of those women who can say I’ve outlived my prognosis.

I have been sick this week with a bad cold and asthma flare ups, then I got a bladder infection. :\ But I finally got antibiotics for the bladder infection and the cold and asthma are much better. I get chemo on Tuesday and I am going to talk to the doctor about a med for my appetite because I have no appetite anymore. Nothing tastes good cause my taste buds are shot from the chemo, plus the smell of food makes me nauseas. I bought some Ensure tonight to start drinking for calories and nutrition plus I drink green juices and smoothies, I just need to drink more of them. I do have some “fruit roll ups” that give me the munchies and help me eat, but it also gives me a ‘high’ feeling that I don’t like, so I tend not to eat it much. I finally finished radiation to my lung on Monday but the radiation keeps working for 6-8 weeks in your body…so the fatigue continues.

I’ve been down as of late because I’ve been so sick and I’m just tired of being sick and tired all the time. I miss the life I had before cancer. When I could dance and go for long walks without getting breathless. When I had normalcy in my daily life. My life now consists of doctor visits, chemo and radiation, scans, tests, constant fatigue, lot’s of medications, catching illnesses so easily, and just staying home cause I’m too weak and tire too easily to do much of anything. I went to the grocery store with my husband tonight and I cannot remember the last time I have been to the grocery store, it’s been so long. I have been trying to avoid going out in public cause of the flu season, but we do still go to the occasional movie or out to eat. I did get the really strong flu shot that they give to the elderly so I am hoping I am covered.

I saw my therapist today which was much needed. Talking things out with someone who is subjective takes a lot off my chest and makes me feel better. She makes me see things in a different perspective, a more positive one. I have been seeing her off and on for over 16 years. And she has gotten me through a lot of lifes struggles. I highly recommend talking to someone when your having troubles dealing with life. Therapy really does work.

Well that’s all for now, I’ll update after scans, good or bad. Fingers crossed for good news!

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