Good News!

I’m happy to blog tonight that my scan results came back showing no new spots, some shrinkage of the spots that I have and the spots in my bones are showing less active. There is no increase in growth on the spot in my liver…so no radiation yet. I AM SOOOOO HAPPY!!!! What a GREAT way to start off the New Year!!!! Plus there is a new drug that just got approved by the FDA for the kind of cancer that I have called,,,Enhertu. I was told that this will be the next drug that I get on after this treatment stops working instead of the 2 chemo pills that was the next line of defense. Of course it comes with it’s own set of side effects, but it has shown to be 60% effective in stopping progressions and shrinking tumors. I don’t just start it now because it is a stronger chemo, and with stronger chemos come more serious side effects. Hair loss being one of them. I was hoping I wouldn’t lose my hair again, (I don’t want to go out of this world bald) but it looks like I will end up going out of this world the way that I came in, BALD. Oh well…I’ll gladly take the exchange for living longer! But for now I am really glad that this chemo that I’m on is still working. So I am excited about all this news. I did talk about some of the symptoms that I have been having like vision changes, comprehension and processing of questions, memory loss and weight loss due to no appetite. The doctor said with all these new meds coming out and people with cancer are living longer than before, they can only throw pills at them. And he doesn’t like throwing more pills at me than I’m already taking, and neither do the other doctors, so they are telling patients if they can, to learn to cope with the symptoms. He says that is one of the downfalls to living longer with these chemo drugs….are the side effects. He did give me a new pill for my appetite called Marinol that is a synthetic of THC that supposedly only gives you the munchies without all the other side effects. So we will see how that works. I have lost over 20 pounds in the last 6 months and before that I had already lost another 20 plus pounds. I had needed to lose a little weight, and I would still like to lose a little more, but unfortunately I’m not losing weight the correct way so I am losing muscle mass as well which has made me really weak and thin looking. Sickly. I can’t help losing weight. I’m so sick all the time, have literally no appetite, and sometimes when I do eat, it comes right back up! So hopefully that Marinol works for me and drinking Ensure and homemade smoothies on a more regular basis will at least help maintain my weight. I’m also going to start taking my puppy for short walks for exercise and I’m still trying to start up yoga. I just need the energy to do this stuff.

I miss the structure of daily routines like when I used to work. But my sister suggested to set my alarm in the morning, get up have coffee and breakfast, and get into a regular routine of doing things. Exercise, reading, doing puzzles, drawing/coloring, organizing my rooms, drawers, etc…find things to do that I can put into a regular routine and set times for those, then move on to the next thing. Great idea! I have my alarm set for 10 AM everyday. If I wake up earlier than that, so be it.

Well that’s all my news for now. Goodnight! 🙂

Scan time

Hello! It’s scan time again! I get scans on Monday and the results on Tuesday. I’ve been having scanxiety cause every scan I got last year except one was a progression so I am hoping and praying that I have no progression and this chemo is still working. I am soooo hoping for a better year this year. I can always tell by the doctors face when he walks in the room whether it’s going to be good or bad news. I have heard of women who live with metastatic breast cancer for over 20 years, It’s rare, but I have heard of it. I am hoping we find a chemo that works and starts shrinking these tumors and keeping everything stable. I would love to be one of those women who can say I’ve outlived my prognosis.

I have been sick this week with a bad cold and asthma flare ups, then I got a bladder infection. :\ But I finally got antibiotics for the bladder infection and the cold and asthma are much better. I get chemo on Tuesday and I am going to talk to the doctor about a med for my appetite because I have no appetite anymore. Nothing tastes good cause my taste buds are shot from the chemo, plus the smell of food makes me nauseas. I bought some Ensure tonight to start drinking for calories and nutrition plus I drink green juices and smoothies, I just need to drink more of them. I do have some “fruit roll ups” that give me the munchies and help me eat, but it also gives me a ‘high’ feeling that I don’t like, so I tend not to eat it much. I finally finished radiation to my lung on Monday but the radiation keeps working for 6-8 weeks in your body…so the fatigue continues.

I’ve been down as of late because I’ve been so sick and I’m just tired of being sick and tired all the time. I miss the life I had before cancer. When I could dance and go for long walks without getting breathless. When I had normalcy in my daily life. My life now consists of doctor visits, chemo and radiation, scans, tests, constant fatigue, lot’s of medications, catching illnesses so easily, and just staying home cause I’m too weak and tire too easily to do much of anything. I went to the grocery store with my husband tonight and I cannot remember the last time I have been to the grocery store, it’s been so long. I have been trying to avoid going out in public cause of the flu season, but we do still go to the occasional movie or out to eat. I did get the really strong flu shot that they give to the elderly so I am hoping I am covered.

I saw my therapist today which was much needed. Talking things out with someone who is subjective takes a lot off my chest and makes me feel better. She makes me see things in a different perspective, a more positive one. I have been seeing her off and on for over 16 years. And she has gotten me through a lot of lifes struggles. I highly recommend talking to someone when your having troubles dealing with life. Therapy really does work.

Well that’s all for now, I’ll update after scans, good or bad. Fingers crossed for good news!

Good days and bad days

I had a lot of good days during the Christmas holidays. I didn’t have chemo until after Christmas and I started radiation after Christmas too. Now I’ve been having bad days with a lot of major fatigue and weakness from the radiation and chemo together. Thus leading to no appetite and no eating which makes the weakness even worse. When I say major fatigue I mean I can barely keep my eyes open. I sleep all day. Today, Wed, and Thursday I have to go into Austin, which is like an hour away, with fatigue. I had such a hard time today. I did not want to get out of bed. I could barely walk and my arms were so weak even the steering wheel felt heavy to drive with. Not even coffee helped. But I made it. I had to really focus though because my brain felt really heavy.

It’s days like today that get me down and get me to wondering just how much longer my body will be able to take this. I just want to cry cause I feel so bad. Every year on Dec 31st I thank the good Lord that I made it another year –without complications, and I got to be here to spend the holidays with my family. And every Jan 1st I always wonder if this will be my last year…the year that I die. Living with metastatic breast cancer is no fun. The treatment is harsh and slowly kills your body and it’s ability to function. My body has been surprisingly strong and has taken the treatment like a champ! So I hope and pray that it keeps going that way. I know that my mentality gets down when my body shuts down, and when I feel better I get more positive mentally. But I just can’t help but wonder just how much longer I can take this on those down days. On those down days I feel like throwing in the towel and giving up. The ONLY reason I’m fighting and not giving up is because of my family, friends, and loved ones. Cause fighting Cancer is hard and the treatments with their side effects are horrible, and expensive!!!

The radiation has not been as bad as I thought it was going to be, the contraptions they put on me are tolerable. The hardest part is laying there for 30 minutes trying not to breath. Your breathing has to be shallow and slow. I just try to fall asleep, which I did today.

And I’m falling asleep now as I write this so I am going to call it a night. Goodnight! 🙂

New Years Eve

Well it’s 2020 on the east coast and here in the central time zone we have 30 minutes left so we are still in 2019! I am finishing off 2019 with my last blog of the year. I started blogging this year and it has been very therapeutic. I finished today, 2019, with my last chemo of the year…it was supposed to be yesterday but they messed up my schedule so it was rescheduled for today. My husband was home so we ran errands and went to eat at Chuys, our favorite restaurant. Then we came home and opened up a bottle of Dom Perignon, which neither of us had ever had. It wasn’t as good as we expected it to be, but it is growing on me. Eric didn’t like it so the rest of the bottle is up to me! I can’t finish it all tonight, so I will finish it tomorrow! It’s too damn expensive to not finish the bottle. And now I can say I’ve had Dom Perignon! Also the Texas Longhorns ended the year on a good note and won the Alamo bowl against Utah! What a great end to 2019!!!

I want to say how blessed I feel to have been given another year of life with my loved ones. Fighting Cancer is no easy task and the treatment has a lot of side effects that mess up your body inside and out. But I’m proud as to how my body has been holding up. I believe it is all the prayers and love sent my way that is keeping me strong. 2019 brought a lot of cancer progressions in my body and the cancer spread to every place that breast cancer spreads too. But I have a great Oncology team who stays ahead of the game and kills it as soon as it spreads…thus giving me more time. And that is what it’s all about now, buying time. Since Metatastic breast cancer is incurable…which I pray for a cure everyday!

I pray that in 2020 I have no progressions and stay on this treatment that continues to work. And that a cure is found for this disease. I pray that I am still here and healthy as to be expected and strong come the end of 2020. And I get to see 2021. I pray wellness and health for all of my loved ones as well. My son gets married tomorrow. We are all excited about that. We are starting our year with adding another daughter to the family. And she is a wonderful girl and is good for our son. They make a good match. My husband is excited to marry them.

I start radiation again, my 5th round, to my lung on Thursday. Not looking forward to it, but I know that it is something that I just have to suck up and do. I just can’t wait until it’s over already.

Central time countdown to 2020 is about to start! Here we gooooo……10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1….Happy New Year!!! I MADE IT ANOTHER YEAR AND I AM SOOOOO THANKFUL AND GRATEFUL!

Hellooooo 2020!! Please be good to me and my family. I am praying for a fantastic year!

Love too all and many blessings in 2020!!