I hope everyone had a very merry Christmas! I had a wonderful Christmas and am looking forward to the New Year! 2020 will start off with our son getting married. He gets married on New Years Day! Then the next day I start radiation on my lung which will be 5 treatments over 2 weeks. It will also be body scan time and in Feb my brain will be scanned again. Hopefully this next year I will be blessed with no new progressions. So far I’ve been feeling pretty good. I’ve been too busy to feel bad. I don’t have time to be sick. During these last 2 cycles I haven’t gotten the chemo flu too bad. I’ve had days when my stomach hurt or I get really fatigued, but it hasn’t knocked me on my butt like it usually does. I’ve been lucky and God has answered my prayers for Nov and Dec since it has been over the holidays. My chemo was delayed by a week since it was Christmas and my next dose of chemo would have been on Christmas Eve. Instead they moved the date to Mon Dec 30th. So I am really hoping I am not sick for my sons wedding.
My new puppy is doing good and got a good clean bill of health from the Vet yesterday. He went for his 3rd set of shots. He didn’t even cry. He does have a mild case of ear mites so they gave him some ear drops. He also got his first bath tonight which he did pretty good. He was scared at first, but once he got used to the warm water on him then me scrubbing his little body, he liked that and just sat there. He is now fluffy soft and clean and smelling pretty. At the Vet yesterday I also picked up my Chips ashes. They had them in a nice little wooden box engraved with footprints and his name. Inside the box is a little plastic bag with his white ashes. It was bittersweet. I miss him and still think about him daily. But I’m getting better at calling Hopper Hopper and not Chip or Chopper. This little puppy has kept me really busy during the day and keeps me from being sad. I think I would still be crying daily if I didn’t have that little puppy. Cause being alone during the day can get lonely. And this little puppy is constantly by my side!
This holiday season has brought a lot of time being spent with family. I have really enjoyed that. For the last 3 years since I was diagnosed, Time, my family, friends, and just life itself have become really precious to me, more so than normal. When I was first diagnosed my prognosis was 5-8 years. Then when it went to my spine I was told maybe 5 years. Then when it went to my brain I was told maybe 2 years. So Time is dwindling but my spirit is strong and my will to live is strong and I know that people outlive their prognosis’ all the time, and I plan on being one of those people. It’s weird, but before the brain radiation I felt like my time was getting near the end, but then the weirdest thing happened…after I was done with brain radiation, I all of a sudden felt renewed and like I was going to live a lot longer. Death did not seem to linger in my near future anymore. My outlook became positive. I actually have been feeling great despite how my body feels…from the effects of chemo and radiation. I don’t dwell on how my body feels, I just keep going despite the pain and I try not to think about it or let it stop me from living and going on. If I did give into it, I would never get out of bed and constantly be on pain meds. But I don’t want to give into this disease and let it win, so I FIGHT! I do take the nausea medications on a regular basis throughout the day to keep me from vomiting and so that I can tolerate eating some food, but other than that, unless the pain is intolerable, I don’t take any pain med. I just deal with it. I think what really hurts the most are my feet from the neuropathy, it is a constant pain. It hurts to walk. I finally got a handicap parking placard for my car so I can park close to buildings and not have to walk so far which has been a blessing givin that not only do my feet hurt, but I’ve been weakened by the chemo and tire and get out of breath real easy. Sometimes my body feels like it is over a 100 years old. I’m going to try to start doing yoga this next year to hopefully help my body not feel so old by stretching and doing some strengthening exercises. On black Friday my husband bought me a smart TV for the front room so I can get on YouTube and do exercises that they have on there. Once all this hustle and bustle from the holidays is over and things calm down and get back to normal I can start to focus on my body more. I also have gotten used to using CBD oil and taking THC edibles. At first I didn’t like they way they made me feel. But now I’ve gotten used to them and they don’t make me feel so weird anymore and I can function just fine. The good thing is they give me the munchies so I eat! And the food actually TASTES good! They also help with pain, nausea, and sleep. I don’t eat them as much as I should, but I’m going to try to start eating them more since they help so much.
Another present that I am excited to open up is a Centipede Mini Arcade Game that I got for Christmas. It’s just like the real Centipede arcade game except it is a miniature one that sits on a table. That was always my favorite arcade game and I used to be really good at it. I’m sure that will keep me busy and entertained for hours during the day. I’m also going to try and write in this blog more, plus I’ve been writing my life story in this book that my oldest daughter gave me when I was first diagnosed. I tried to finish it by Christmas so that I could give it to her as a gift, but it is really long and I didn’t get to finish it in time. But I hope to finish it soon and give it to her. This Christmas I got hooked on watching those cheesy Christmas love stories on the Hallmark and Lifetime Channels. LOL They are FEEL GOOD kind of movies. I like those kind. Finding things to do that I have the energy for here around the house has been hard. I just started driving long distances again since the brain radiation so now I can start going places again. I just have to keep busy. I don’t have energy everyday, but on days that I do feel good, I have to stay busy.
Well that’s it for tonight! I hope everyone has a blessed and safe New Year!
Much love, Laura.