Hope everyone had a wonderful and safe fourth of July! We just watched Netflix all day long and stayed in our PJ’s. It was VERY RELAXING! It was a little sad as this was the first fourth of July in about 5 years that we did NOT have a get together with our family. Since we moved into a much smaller house, we just don’t have the space to entertain anymore like we used to. We went to the fourth of July festival that our town had on Saturday and watched fireworks. It was fun. They shoot fireworks over the Colorado River and we just happened to sit behind a big oak tree that was right in front of the fireworks. lol My hubbie asked me if I wanted to move to where we could see better but I said no, something eerie and sweet about seeing the huge fireworks behind the shadow of that big old oak tree. They were really beautiful and a memory of fireworks that I will never forget.
We binged watched season 3 of Stranger Things that was released today. lol We started at like 10 AM and finished it at around 7 PM. It is soooooooo goood!!!! Then we watched a movie about cancer called 50/50. I highly recommend it. It is a great movie. Caused a lot of discussions between my husband and I as we watched it. A lot of tears shed as I could relate so well to the character. The one thing that bugs me though when I watch movies about cancer is that they always shave the head…but not the eyebrows or eyelashes. When you get Chemo you lose ALL of your body hair….not just on your head. The movie had a good and happy ending…just fyi.
I saw the radiation doctor yesterday who said it looks like the tumor in my spine is responding to the radiation as the pain is lessening. I’ll know more at the next scans in Sept. But the pain is getting better. Yay! Two more radiations to go…and I’ll be done. Hopefully the tumor will be dead.
My husband and I had a lot of interesting conversations today about my treatment, chemo, radiation, and how I’m taking it all. I feel like I am doing good with it all.. I still take myself to all my appointments, and I still function daily. But I guess he see’s it all differently. I felt like I did ok after the 1st chemo treatment but he reminded me of how sick I got for almost 2 weeks. I thought I did good and only was sick for about a week after. lol He remembers better than I do. Getting chemo is kind of like having a baby, you forget about all the pain of the delivery so you go on to have other babies. We talked about the quality of life that I will have while on this chemo. I think I’ll be fine. After our talk tonight, my husband seems to think otherwise. I still feel strong in my mind, my body doesn’t always agree, but my mind tells me I’m fine. I have my second treatment on Tuesday, I’m glad I have 3 weeks in between…gives me time to recover and forget. lol
We talked about MY end of life and preparing. I always HATE having that conversation, but it is my reality now and I know I need to prepare and get ready..ugh. I sure am hoping the cancer responds to this chemo for “awhile” and gives me more time. I know it won’t respond forever, but hopefully for several years. We talked about downsizing where we live even more and perhaps moving into a one bedroom apartment. Gosh…that discussion always depresses me. I know he is preparing for the day when I can no longer work and we have to live on only one income. That is going to suck! And that is the worst conversation I really hate having. Selling all of our stuff and living as minimalist. Gosh…I’m too young to have to give up all my things…your usually old when you have to do that. Damn, this sucks. I just pray that I will still be able to work for many years. The day I give up working will be a hard one. Because I will be forced to retire before it’s time and I have been working since I was 15. It will be an end of an era for me. I think I will die sooner if I feel like I have no purpose. Work gives me purpose.
I read a lot of other cancer blogs and realize how fortunate I have been in my treatments and how my body has taken them. I really have been blessed. Surgery is no longer an option for me since I have so many cancer spots, so chemo and radiation are my only options now. GOD is in control. And he has kept me calm and blessed through all of this. I could not go through this illness without my GOD and my faith. He keeps me strong. I pray a cure for cancer is around the corner and comes about soon. Cancer is a monster. It saddens me to see when children and young kids have this. No child should have to suffer with this disease. It is a horrible disease to have. Just like AIDS.