Still in shock.

I’m still in shock over the latest news. I’m having a hard time processing that the cancer is now in my spine and all the tumors are growing and active again. Just writing it seems so unreal. I’ve been waking up every morning and realizing that this is real, my reality, not a dream. I’ve been in a fog. Unable to focus. Today has been a little better. I had to go see my therapist 2 days in a row. I started seeing a therapist for cancer during the second round of chemo, I was starting to get depressed. Now I see her on a regular basis and she is a Godsend! Today we did a meditation on healing cancer. I felt so much better (mentally) after leaving her office today. The fog seemed to start dissipating.

I spent the day with one of my daughters. We both had doctor appointments in Austin so we rode together. I went with her to hers and got to hear my new granddaughters heartbeat. My daughter is having a baby due Aug 1st. See why I gotta stay alive????

Then we went to my appointment to check a black spot on my face that appeared during my first round of chemo. The dermatologist said it was benign and not cancer…THANK GOD!

Mannnn….I’m just tired of the word CANCER. And I’m tired of having it. I’m ready to be rid of this Monster. I’m praying these next treatments of radiation and targeted chemo get rid of it. Or at least make it stop growing for a long long time.

I’m hoping I don’t lose all my hair…eyelashes, eyebrows, etc…again. And I hope I don’t get neuropathy in my fingers, mouth and feet. I think those are the two worst things….and of course the mouth sores, cracked bleeding skin, black nails, bone pain, muscle pain, nausea, vomiting and diarrhea. Not to mention all the medications you have to take when you get chemo that have their own side effects. Like the Steroids, and anti-allergy medications. They all knock you out while getting chemo. Oh JOY! JOY! JOY!

I bought some meditation MP3’s to download on my phone on cancer, chemo, and some others, to listen to while I do these next treatments. They were recommended by my therapist, and after listening to the cancer one today, I had to order it after it made me feel so much better. It’s recommended that you listen to it twice a day, so that is what I am going to do first thing every morning and last thing every night. I also got one to listen to while doing chemotherapy.

I’m also going to really stop eating sugar. That means alcohol too…no more top shelf margarita’s.. well….everything in moderation…right??? But sweets…like donuts, candy, and ice cream…all getting cut out of my diet. I have to really get serious if I’m going to beat this thing. I’ll probably start doing fasts and drinking more juices and smoothies. That is one good way to get fruits and veggies down. I’m learning to eat more vegetables. I have always loved fruit, so no problem there…but veggies… ugh.

Well time for bed…tomorrows another day…

2 thoughts on “Still in shock.

  1. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. When having chemo, the liver has so much to clean that it works overtime. Physicians do not normally recommend that chemo patients drink alcohol because it puts more stress on the liver.

    The best to you.


    1. Thank you. I never drink while doing chemo, and with this new chemo I’m going to be on I read that it is really hard on your liver so I will not be drinking at all. I’m not a big drinker, but I do like the occasional margarita.


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