That is what I have heard it called…my new norm. Meaning my life has changed drastically never to be the same again. I’m often asked how I feel. My usual response is..I feel good. For the most part I feel ok most days. I guess I have gotten used to feeling ‘my new norm.’ Which is tired, fatigued, and sometimes pain. I don’t have the energy that I used to have, I don’t have an appetite, I’m nausea’s everyday and have diarrhea daily, despite all the meds to help prevent it. I don’t have much pain. My back feels like it has a headache sometimes….just achy, guess it’s from all the tumors in the lungs . I try to remain positive and thank God for each day that I am able to wake up, breath, and go about my daily life. I still work full time. I do house chores and cook. I still throw parties and get together’s. Though now everything I do makes me tire easily. But I still do it. I try to live as normal as possible.
My life does consist of almost weekly doctor appts. Infusions, shots, scans, tests, Oncology, Cardiac, GYN, etc.. I live in a new world. The Cancer world. It is a world all it’s own that only people with cancer will understand. You are given an expiration date and you become very grateful for this sweet thing we call LIFE and the people in it. I get told all the time…. we are all going to die. Yes, that’s true. But it is very different when your actually told your going to die and your given a time frame. It changes things. All of a sudden that air you just breathed in seems sweeter, you just want to be around those you love all the time and not miss one single moment.
I try to live in the moment, cause for me…there really may not be a tomorrow. I know that can be said for all of us…but I’m at a little higher risk than most. lol
And of course…there are those that I run into who ask me if I have tried a dog dewormer because they know a friend of a friend of a friends friend who had cancer, took this $5 dewormer and was healed of their cancer. I’ve been asked if I have tried all kinds of alternative medicines..Marijuana, Frankincense, Apricot seeds (cyanide) which all of those I do, the apricot seeds not so much cause they make me vomit. When you have stage 4 and are terminal you figure…what have I got to lose? I don’t think I will try the dewormer though.
People mean well. And I have been lucky and blessed to have such good friends and family around me. I started going to a work out class last week. I used to work out and do Nia and Yoga before I was diagnosed. I’ve only recently been able to muster up enough energy to be able to return to Nia. Nia is a really fun and easy dance class and I have met some really nice people there. It provides the cardio and stretching that this ol body needs.
I do eat healthier, but of all things sugar is my weakness. And of course, that would be the worst thing you can eat when you have cancer, since cancer feeds on sugar. I’ve gotten a lot better and don’t eat as much sugar as I used to, but I still eat some on a daily basis.
I lost all my hair twice. Eyebrows and eyelashes too. This time my eyebrows and eyelashes are taking forever to grow back in and so is my hair. I’ve decided to just keep my hair short this time since if I have to do chemo again, I may lose it all over again. If I have to do chemo again it will be a more targeted chemo and won’t go to all of my cells. My doc says I may not lose my hair….but he has a patient who has done that treatment and she lost her hair again. So I decided to just have fun with it while it’s short. I used to always have really long hair, down my back. I used to highlight it. I miss it. Now it’s short and black. People think I dye it because I don’t have but one or two grays. But it’s just good genes.
Really, despite my circumstances I feel that I have been blessed beyond measure.